I am so done with everything.
here’s your daily reminder that
- you aren’t worthless
- you’re worth more than you think you are
- you mean a lot to someone
- you’ve done something to make someone laugh or smile
- you’ve laughed and smiled
- you’re good enough
- you deserve to be happy
- you’re allowed to be sad
- you’re you and nothing can change that
- and there’s no one else you need to be
If you screw me over to help yourself, don’t expect me to just go with it.
I will fight you
WHY WON’T MY FAMILY LEAVE ME ALONE.
So, about a year ago my mom was in a pretty bad car accident and she ended up having to have major shoulder surgery. Well, in the process, she also got a pretty large chunk of money. The reason I titled this ‘holiday frustrations’ is because that large chunk of money is now down to almost nothing. She keeps buying and buying for Christmas and even though I know she means well, I keep trying to tell her that we all don’t need all of this.
Growing up she wasn’t able to get us things when we asked for them especially during Christmas so I think this is kind of her way of making up for that but honestly, it’s just crazy. Now I feel like I need to buy these really nice things for everyone but I just can’t. I’m also just generally bad at gift giving so that’s kinda killing me as well. I know that I am going to feel so bad Christmas morning because I know how much shes spent and it could have been used for other more important things. I don’t know how long I am going to be able to keep up the ‘I’m so happy for all of these things’ routine because at this point, I just don’t want it anymore.
A lot of people, once they get a large chunk of money the didn’t have before, go into “SPEND IT ALL” mode, especially when they’ve never had a lot of money before - I’m currently training myself to budget because I NEVER had money growing up. If it’s some super expensive stuff you don’t need and definitely DO NOT WANT and can’t figure out a use for, either save them, or sell the stuff they’re replacing, or sell the new ones (like if it’s something you hate) to friends at a cheap price who can’t afford it but want to give good gifts. Re-gifting is also an option. Do NOT NOT NOT feel bad about keeping them though, because yes, that’s an option. You also don’t need to buy really expensive gifts for everyone - they’ll understand, and quite a few family members may feel the same way. If it gets to be a really bad problem (say, the money is entirely gone, and she’s still spending a ton), you and some other family members may need to intervene, but wait until after Christmas, and remember it’s NOT YOUR FAULT. That’s the most important part, it’s not your fault.
Ugh. I messed up again. Fucking weekend train schedules fucking up my commute.
Gonna go shower and then (finally) watch Brave. Then sleep. Yaaaay sleep.